Life’s Not Fair: Subjective vs Objective Competition

It was an hour before my stepdaughter’s gymnastics meet at Stanford when my wife and I found ourselves glued to the TV watching the Big 12 Championships. My twin stepsons were racing the five thousand meters. The tension was palpable. The top three runners were locked in a battle, surging and countering each other, each one desperate to pull away. In the final lap one runner made a decisive move and created just enough space to secure the win. My stepsons finished in third and fourth place which was undeniably impressive but there was no debate about who won. The clock decided. The finish line was the judge.

Then we drove to the gymnastics meet.

Gymnastics is different. The athletes do not race against a clock or an opponent. They perform and then they wait. They wait for a panel of judges to decide what their performance was worth. My stepdaughter was flawless that night at least to my eyes. Clean lines, controlled landings, powerful execution. But when the scores flashed my wife and I exchanged that knowing look. It was not what we thought she deserved.

There was no finish line in gymnastics, no stopwatch, no clear marker that removed all doubt. Just a panel of judges applying their own interpretations, biases, and preferences. In track the best runner that day wins without discussion. In gymnastics the best performance might not.

As a parent this contrast is frustrating. In sports as in life sometimes you just want fairness, clear rules, and transparent outcomes. But life does not always work that way. Most of life in fact is more like gymnastics than track. Promotions, job opportunities, business deals, even relationships. So much of success is not about who crosses the finish line first but about who is seen, perceived, and evaluated in the right light.

I have watched my kids excel in both worlds, the objective and the subjective, and I have learned this. You cannot control the judges but you can control the performance. You cannot control the scoring system but you can control how well you show up. And sometimes the best way to win is not to fight for fairness. It is to be so undeniable that even the most subjective judges have no choice but to give you what you have earned.